Friday, December 19, 2008

This wasn't supposed to happen

I'm missing practice tomorrow.

I never thought that it would happen.

Let me explain.

My knee is simply not permitting me to put in the miles that my training schedule requires. It all started with last week's 18 mile training run. At about mile 7, my knee started to bother me. By mile 9, I know something was really wrong. By mile 13, I was swearing like a pirate and willing myself to just make it back to the ramada in one piece. I finished, but I wasn't in good shape.

It felt like someone was sticking a white-hot poker into the front of my knee, with pain shooting down my shin into my foot. Defeated, confused, upset, and panicked might begin to describe now I was feeling.

See, this was supposed to happen in week 2 or 3 of training, not FIVE WEEKS before race day. So now instead of being excited for the race, I'm biting my nails, praying that I'll even make it to the start line. SO NOT how I pictured doing this....

It was an emotional day anyway- December 11 (thursday) was the anniversary of my granddad's death. While I try not to dwell on it too much, it still twinges a bit on that day, and I think about him more than usual. Also, on the way to practice the morning of the 13th, Martina McBride's version of "Oh Holy Night" came on the radio. There's a long story associated with this song, but all I really need to say is "Mouse Puppet Karaoke", and the appropriate family members will understand what I'm saying. Sorry for the inside joke.

Anyway, that carol reminds me of Granddad, and I have not heard it on this station before or after that day. I've heard Trans-Siberian's "Sarejevo" song (or whatever it is) way too many times, but not this one.

SO.......on the way back to the ramada, and before coach Rick caught up with me, I started to cry and pretty much break down upon realizing that maybe Granddad sent that song to me to cheer me on for practice. I know it sounds SUPER cheesy and corny, and maybe a stretch, but I believe that's what he did.

It was so disheartening to realize that I was injured, sidelined, on the DL. But what about people with blood cancers? It's not like they can just rest for a couple weeks and be fine. They endure WAY more pain than a sore knee. Come on, chemo? Not really comparable to "runner's knee", now, is it? So, suck it up, I said to myself.

However, it's not that easy. I will be sitting out this practice, lump in throat and pain in heart, but with faith that I will be out there soon, rejoining my teammates in an effort to beat this bastard called cancer.

I apologize if this post sounds as self-centered as I feel as I'm writing it. However, this injury has done more damage mentally than physically I think......so now it's just getting over the mental hurdle that I will be ok for race day, and that the pain will subside in time for race day.

Failure is not an option.

1 comment:

Racn4acure said...

Elsbeth - not self centered at all. You have put your heart and soul (and feet and legs) into this and of course you are worried and disappointed. Who wouldn't be - no one I know. Yes it it true that cancer patients endure a lot of pretty awful stuff. But I will tell you, having been through chemo, I would still be horribly disappointed if I were not able to do a race that I trained so hard for. So hang in there, hope you can figure out what is going on and do your race. Merry Christmas. Art

PS - I think your grandpa knew you needed that song too. That was one of my mom's favorites - she wanted it played at her funeral mass - and I always get a little emotional too when I hear it.